Grateful

Dear Congenital Hypothyroidism,

At first I was scared. I was terrified. I had just had my heart stolen by an 8 lb little girl that I had been dreaming of my whole life, and then you came. There are so many things I wasn't expecting to happen: I wasn't expecting how much I would love her instantly, I wasn't expecting how much more and deeper I would love my husband, I wasn't expecting how exhaustedly happy I would feel, and I wasn't expecting you.

Now, after I've gotten to know you, after I've learned how to approach you and deal with you I look at you differently. You don't scare me. In fact, I believe we are almost friends. It's because of you that I am so grateful. Without you, I would never have realized how many things I have to be grateful for. And I know that I am only beginning to scratch the surface on how many blessings I have in my life, how many tender mercies I am beginning to realize because you are here.

Just to prove to you that I'm not scared anymore, just to prove I mean what I say, here is a list of what I have learned to be grateful for since you came around:

*Hospital screening tests, done the day babies are born. (My pediatrician mentioned she saw the negative effects of not having hospital screening tests while she was in Ecuador.)

*Living in America, where hospital screening tests are required in every state.

*Medicine, specifically the generic kind, that at the cost of $10 every 3 months can still work miracles (However, I'd like to point out that I would pay any amount of money to get this medicine for Eva. I'm just grateful it's affordable.)

*Eva's partially working thyroid (Now I know that her body has never gone one day with too low of thryoxine hormone. her thyroid has been working since she was born and continues to partially work on it's own.)

*Eva's goodnaturedness when taking the pill every morning.

*Brad, my loving husband, who listened to me list off every worry that I had about Eva's health and her future before I could fall asleep at night. Who held me and let me cry. Who, even though he was scared also, seemed strong and optomistic while I was weak.

*My parents, who let me call them daily with news about Eva and even the smallest milestones she is reaching. (Each milestone stands as a testament that the medicine is working and ensures Eva is on the path to a very "normal" healthy life. That's why when she reaches even the smallest milestone, I want to celebrate. I try not to be too annoying though, and resort to just calling my parents.)

*Pediatric Endocrinologists (Med school is hard enough right, but to specialize and specialize again? Thank you for being driven enough to do this. My family is eternally grateful for your hard work.)

*Doctors (Who let me bring a list of questions to each apppointment.)

*Nurses (Who answer my many questions over the phone without making me feel stupid)

*Insurance

*Kind nurses who let me cry while Eva gets her blood drawn.

*Goodnatured Eva who has not cried at all the last 2 times she has gotten her blood drawn.

*The results of each blood test and what they tell us (the last 3 or 4 being in "normal" range!)

*Doctors' appointments (I look forward to them weeks in advance. I love to hear their take on how Eva is developing and their advice on what I can do to improve where needs be.)

*Mother and Mother-in-law (they both came right after Eva was born and cooked, cleaned, provided and cared for us. I was allowed much needed rest with them here.)

*Eva's alertness (One of the best compliments I receive is "your baby is so alert!". You have no idea what this means to me.)

*The U of U (yes, it's true.) and its medical school. (Also love that it is within easy driving distance.)

*The internet providing access to research articles.

*Forcing me to ask myself very pointed, soul-searching questions. (Forcing me to humble myself and realize that all of the ifs and questions I have may not be answered, but I need to have the faith that I can make it through what is in store.)

*Empathy (I'd like to think I was empathetic towards others' trials before, but I now can truly understand a mother's worry.)

*Family (I cannot express the love and support I felt from all my family. The phonecalls, the prayers, the kind words and expressions of love. They all helped buoy me up during the scariest time of my life.)

*Priesthood (Brad was able to administer much needed blessings on mine and Eva's behalf.)

*Friends (For their support and love)

*Prayer

*Gospel, for the true happiness and peace it brings to me.

*My Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, who know my little family and love us more than I can understand.


CH, I feel like there are so many other things that I could list. Each day, usually before I fall asleep, I am overwhelmed with what I have to be grateful for. So, just consider this a partial list. It really could go on forever and ever.

Now, you see, Congenital Hypothyroidism, you are not a monster. You are a trial that has brought many, many countless blessings into my life. You are manageable. Fixable. There are so many things worse than you. My beautiful little girl will grow up with a healthy body. You will not hold her down.

I have never felt so much fear, so much worry. I will not lie. I still worry. Every day as I watch my little girl grow, I am thinking of you. But, you are no longer a part of every thought of mine. Now, every dream and hope I have for my little girl is more powerful than you. So, you can stay on my mind (if you stay, I will remember all I have learned from you) but you will not control me or my little girl. In fact, sometimes I forget you are even here.

So, thank you for coming. It is because of you I have become so much more aware. I am so grateful. Grateful for Brad. Grateful for Eva. And yes, even grateful for you.

Your friend,

Holly